Worried

Tonight has been a bad night.  I'm not sure what is going on but I'm in a lot of pain.  I'm cramping and having some contractions.  I have felt sick to my stomach (that is different from morning sickness) all day long.  I had mentioned it to Mike earlier and he just laughed and said, "Maybe you're pregnant!"  Unfortunately it wasn't the regular run-of-the-mill pregnancy sickness I have been feeling.  It's very different. 

I've tried everything I know to do... I've been flooding my body with water in case I'm just dehydrated.  I've been laying on my left side.  I've taken a warm bath.  I'm trying to calm my breathing and my nerves.  Nothing is working.  I feel very much like I did all day the day I lost William.  I'm worried that I am going to go into full blown labor like I did with him.  I'm scared out of my mind. 

I'm going to lay in the bed and pray.  Either it will help calm my nerves or it will help put me to sleep but either way I know that praying always helps me.  I have a feeling if I am so lucky as to not lose this baby that my rosary will take up a permanent place in my hands. 

I don't want to lose this baby.  I have an appointment in the morning so I'm praying that they will be able to tell me something, anything.  I'm praying that when we look at the baby I'll still see a beating heart.  I'm desperate to see my little one.  I need to know that he/she is ok.  The reality of possibly losing this little one is almost too much to bear but it's a probability that I've known could exist from the start.  I just don't want to experience the loss of my last baby.  How will my heart survive if there's no heartbeat?  I think my own heart will stop beating too.