It's been 11 weeks since I last updated. I'm sorry for that. To be honest, I couldn't bear to update when I was so stressed out and it seemed like everything I was going to write was the same thing over and over again. It just felt so negative. Of course, life also got in the way of getting back here to write but I hope to change that and do a better job.
Time seems to be moving quickly for me now. After a long time of not having an ob my specialist talked with the OB office that had released me and they took me back. To say that I was not happy about the turn of events well, is an understatement. It's not that I don't love the people who work there, on the contrary, many of them are like family to me... but for the doctors to say some of the things that they said to me and to be pushed aside the way I was with no help to find another office to take on my care, well, that was a hard pill to swallow.
In the time I was without a doctor I had called all over the Atlanta area, including areas much further out on all sides of Atlanta, trying to find someone who would take me on as a patient. Either there was an insurance issue or they just flat out said, "We don't feel comfortable with providing your care, you are too high risk for us." It was maddening. I contacted the Archdiocese of Atlanta's Respect Life Ministry and asked for help. Mary Boyert sent out the S.O.S for me and I ended up with a ton of leads to new doctors. Unfortunately they each led to a dead end. It was beyond frustrating. So when I heard that the doctors office that had released me was the only one willing to take me on, well, I felt like I was stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I would make an appointment to go back in and talk with the doctors. I made sure to tell him that I was not happy to be there, thankful, yes, but happy, no. I told him that they were like family to me and it felt horrible to be put out the way I was. He told me that he was frustrated because it felt to him like I was making them "clean up someone else's mess". I asked him why he felt I should go back to the doctors that really messed things up for me anyway and put not only my life but my child's life in danger. He had no response. We talked about what the plans were to keep me healthy and pregnant and decided that we would just move forward.
Today I went for my 29 week appointment. I am meauring big but I always do. I am on insulin to try to control my gestational diabetes but with each passing week the diabetes seem to be winning. We keep upping my insulin in hopes of controlling it and hopefully we'll find the magic numbers. The baby is doing very well. At my appointment last week we estimated by ultrasound that he is approximately 2 1/2 pounds now which is very average and perfect. He moves around a lot and is a very busy boy. All things that ease my mind as I worry every day about him and about me.
We've had a couple scares but have gotten through them. Mike thinks I won't make it through March with this pregnancy but I feel we will make it to the end of April when I will have my scheduled c-section. At least that's my hope. Every day I thank God for giving me yet another day to be pregnant. I can't wait to hold this little boy. He is worth all that we've gone through to bring him into the world. I can't say that it has been easy but every single moment has been worth the sacrifice.
Please keep praying! I know that the reason we have gotten this far is because of our faith. God hears our prayers and while we have no idea what the end result will be we know that the journey is just as important as the ending. Thank you for your support. I know that for me, on the days that are hard, knowing that we have people praying for us helps me get through those times. God is good and God is faithful. I know He is listening to each and every prayer we say.
